Daily Recovery Blog
Thursday October 21, 2021
"My ego keeps me from you and God from me." - George C.
EGO = EASING GOD OUTWhen I wanted something, I would spend an inordinate amount of
time figuring out how I could get it. I usually became obsessed
with the object of my momentary desire. I was not taking any time
to see if it was even healthy for me. It did not matter if it was
bad for me, because I would rationalize or justify it. My
thinking was messed up. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.
I would even pray for what I wanted hoping to get God on my side.
My ego made me believe that I could control the outcome. I had no
real experience with prayer. I know I always felt either better
or less than others. I can never remember being okay or
satisfied. I guess I was in constant turmoil. When I heard
everybody here was equal, I did not believe it. I compared my
insides with your outsides. My sponsor once told me that God has
only three answers for me: 1.) No. 2.) No, I love you too much -
and 3.) Yes, and this much more. It never hit home until I was
hurting really bad and another addict told me that rejection can
be God's way of protecting me. My personality was fragmented. I
was fortunate to be surrounded with clean addicts offering
positive suggestions. My feelings were thawing out, and I was
lonely and scared. The thought of not being in control frightened
me. I was reminded that I had a loving God. I learned to be more
sincere in my prayers. I learned to let my ego go and let God
come in.
"Action without prayer is arrogance, prayer without action is
hypocrisy." Jose Zayas
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