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Daily Recovery Blog

Tuesday Nov 29, 2022
"Don't let anyone walk in your head wearing dirty shoes." - Marci

I felt very empty when I stopped using. My body was tired. My
mind was racing. I was confused and lost. Fear was my new best
friend. I was scared of my own shadow. This uncomfortable feeling
was living with me 24-7. I really wanted it to go away. The first
glimpse of hope came from hearing people share at meetings. The
applause the group gave a newcomer for staying clean grabbed my
curiosity. I still had a monkey living on my back, even though I
had stopped feeding it days ago. People sharing in the meetings
helped me during these difficult times. The empty feeling I had
was not passing, it was lingering. My sponsor said to be a friend
to myself; that it would be okay. I hated him for saying that at
the time, but I sure wanted it to happen.

"If it were not for hopes, the heart would break." - Thomas

Monday Nov 28, 2022
"Addiction is like wrestling a gorilla. You don't stop when you
get tired; you stop when the gorilla gets tired." - Boxer Guy

I knew that using drugs had done damage to my spirit. I was doing
things to get high that I did not want to do. I still didn't want
to consider myself insane though. I felt like I would be okay if
I could just stop using in a particular way. It was what I call
today "junkie mentality". My mind approved of a lot of things
when I was using, that I know today were insane. My denial was
thick. When I finally realized I could not stop using, the word
insanity took on a whole new meaning. Prior to that moment of
clarity, I had always believed insane people were in straight
jackets at the happy farm. When my sponsor asked me "would it be
insane for you to use drugs knowing what they did to you?" That
statement haunted me. Was I really insane? Even I could see that
an addict like me should not use. If you are an addict, and you
start using again, be careful. For the first time in my life, the
longing inside my heart reached my brain. It would be insane for
an addict like me to use drugs. My broken spirit accepted the
fact that insanity truly is repeating the same mistakes expecting
different results.

“Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in
struggling in ignorance. If you saw a man repeatedly running into
a wall until he was a bloody pulp, after a while it would make
you laugh because it becomes absurd.” - David Lynch

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