Daily Recovery Blog
Saturday Jun 15, 2019
"When I used, I broke out in handcuffs." - Convict John
PLAY THE TAPE THROUGHI think when I was born; I was given a built-in forgetter. Once I
felt the euphoric feeling that drugs provided me, my mind would
always return to that first high. For many years I had enjoyable
experiences. My mind was set to euphoric recall. I would forget
the depression I felt when the drugs wore off. Eventually, using
had become pure misery. For some reason, I could never remember
that part. Using caused me problems in my personal life. I still
glamorized using in my mind. It amazed me the first time I heard
"play the tape through". I chuckled to myself, when I heard the
next person share, "If you get run over by a train, it is not the
caboose that kills you". My mind worked like this: Something
triggers the thought of using. If I entertained the thought of
using, it became an urge. Once the urge started, I would only
recall the high feeling that drugs provided me. My mind would say
I deserve it; it will help me with the stress I am going through.
I believe that is why meetings helped me so much. It was there
that I heard, what used to turn me on, turned on me. I was taught
about what happened to other addicts when they did not play the
tape through. Today I am going to play the tape through. If I get
the urge to use, I will call my sponsor and go to a meeting.
"Trickery succeeds sometimes, but it always commits suicide." -
Kahil Gibran
Friday Jun 14, 2019
"If you escaped the lion's den, why go back for your hat?" - Bill
W.
THE SAME PERSON WILL USE AGAINIf nothing changes, nothing changes; except maybe your clean
date. Once I quit, the urges to use again were overwhelming. My
whole mind and body wanted to use again. I white knuckled it. I
prayed to God that the obsession would be lifted. I even had
using dreams. I heard that not using was abnormal for an addict.
I'm glad that other addicts told me it was normal to want to use.
I was told to call my sponsor, not my connection. I wanted to get
better. I learned to stay away from the old playgrounds. I was
assured the urge would pass. I was given a little white book to
read. There was a chapter called What Can I Do? I read that
little white book several times a day. I watched the clock, and
was eager to get to the meeting. I was changing my behaviors. I
don't recall the exact day, but somewhere between 40 and 60 days,
the miracle of recovery started for me. I got through 24 hours
without wanting to use.
"Change your thoughts, and you change the world."- Norman Vincent
Peale
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