Daily Recovery Blog
Friday May 29, 2020
"Some people complain because God puts thorns on roses, while
others praise God for putting roses among thorns." - Debbie B.
RELAX GOD IS IN CHARGEIt seemed to me that when I stopped using drugs, life took over.
It had been years since I participated in my life clean. It was a
scary proposition thinking that I needed to handle the daily
tasks I had neglected for so long. Many days I would get so
caught up in my personal life that I forgot I was not in charge.
Yes, I had to do the foot work, but I did not have to waste the
rest of my day trying to control the outcome of everything. I had
to fire the committee in my head that was working overtime
figuring out every scenario possible. If she, he, they did this
or that, I was going to be prepared to respond. That way of
living or existing was mentally exhausting. I am not certain when
or where it happened, I just remember from my sponsor suggesting
to me that the level of my serenity towards life was equal to the
level of my spiritual conditioning. I liked having certain tasks
to do before I left home: pray, read my meditation book, eat
something healthy, take some time to quiet my mind, and make a
small list of goals for today. This required discipline;
discipline that I had to learn. I needed to practice, but when I
was willing to take a few simple suggestions, my spirit was ready
to respond, rather react to life.
"The greatest act of faith takes place when a man finally decides
that he is not God." - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
Thursday May 28, 2020
"We must live with people to know their problems and live with
God to 'help' solve them." - Patty M.
SPIRITUAL KINDERGARTENI learned that the founders of the 12 steps used the words “God
as we understand him” to allow any addict to join; even the
agnostic and atheist. I was not an agnostic or an atheist, but I
didn’t practice any particular religion either. I really liked
the fellowship because it was spiritual not religious. That took
a lot of pressure off of me. I felt hypocritical trying to choose
any particular religion. Since I was allowed to choose my own
higher power, I researched some, and found a belief system in
Animism. I was able to relate to the spiritual ideas involved
with this practice. It was simple and a perfect starting point
for me. I did not feel worthy of love when I began coming to
meetings. I felt weak and damaged. I was full of guilt. This is
not what I displayed to others, but this was how I felt inside. I
remember hearing a member share, “if you put a tuxedo on a
garbage can, all you have is a dressed up garbage can”. That was
me. I spent many sleepless nights hoping things would get better.
I finally decided I needed prayer. It made me feel better and
gave me hope. It did not matter to me at this time whether God
existed or not. My need for God far outweighed that. I was in a
spiritual kindergarten learning a new way to live.
"If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the
corridor in the other direction." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
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